Creating new habits, and sticking to them, is one of the hardest things for us to do.
Take New Year for example, how many people set great intentions at the beginning of the year to change something? Whether it's to loose weight, eat better, exercise more or just generally create a healthier lifestyle? And how many, a month or a couple of months later are still going with those intentions?
It's so easy to give up, especially when you go all in at the start. It feels like it gets too much or life just starts to get in the way and things slip. Before you know it, you're back into your old patterns, you're old behaviours.
That is because patterns and behaviours are hard to change, unless you do it bit by bit and your 'why' is strong enough.
So how do we change them, with everlasting effects?
Step one:
Start with your why and get deep here. It can't be fluffy. You're brain has to be convinced.
For example, "I want to loose weight because I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. I also want to feel fitter and be able to play with my kids without getting tired quickly".
Then drill down, and down, and down. Until you can't go any further.
So, "I want to loose weight because I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. I also want to feel fitter and be able to play with my kids without getting tired quickly".
Why? "Because I'm fed up of feeling low every time I see my reflection. My kids are so little and I feel old, I want more energy".
Why? "Every time I get dressed in the morning it feels like a struggle, I want to feel good in my clothes and stop wearing clothes to hide. I want to be around for my girls for a long time."~
Why? "I've never liked my reflection and I don't want my children to pick up on that. It's time to change for their sake. I don't want them to grow up thinking that the way I feel about myself is normal. I want them to grow up liking who they are and what they look like".
As you can see, the why is much more than just loosing weight. There are deep emotions attached to it and a greater why which effects her children too - my children. Yes, this is exactly my why for having a complete lifestyle change over the past 18 months.
The healthy habits I've created for myself have now become non-negotiables. I'm not as great on the food front all the time but restricting yourself is boring. The key is balance. But my gym sessions are scheduled and 99% of the time I don't miss classes. And I started running a year ago too. This has also become a consistent part of my lifestyle.
As you can see, digging deep on your why really gets to the heart of why this habit change is important and can absolutely keep you on track when it feels like it's all too much.
Step two:
Set your goals. These will likely change, especially as you start hitting them. Set a goal that is achievable and won't take too long. Small goals that you can hit quickly keep you motivated to move to the next level. Setting goals that are out of reach will almost definitely make you quit or start to self-sabotage.
The first goal could be to loose 3lbs in on month. Use the SMART goal system here if it feels good to you.
For example:
S - Specific - I want to loose 3lbs
M - measurable - I weigh 11 stones now. I want to weigh 10 stones 11 pounds
A - Achievable - Yes this is absolutely achievable if I follow this plan or make some small changes
R - Realistic - Yes, it's realistic for me, not too much of a stretch
T - Time-bound - I want to achieve this goal within the next four weeks.
If you struggle, set yourself a reward for once you've achieved that goal to keep the momentum going.
Once you hit that goal, set another one and keep going until you reach a place that feels good to you.
Step three:
Make a commitment to yourself.
Schedule your new habits into your calendar and make them a non-negotiable.
Reward yourself if you need to, when you do it. This doesn't need to be anything more than a mindful shower or bath, a yummy smoothie, a nourishing breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack, a face mask, extra care in your skin care routine etc. Something that is beneficial for you but that also feels good.
Step four:
Keep yourself accountable. There are a few ways you can do this.
- An accountability partner is a great one but that's not always possible and every person has their own agenda so I've found that these aren't always reliable.
- Keep a chart on your wall so you visually mark off when you have completed that 'step' or new 'habit' each day.
- Tell someone each time you plan to take the step and tell them when you've completed it.
- If it's a class you're attending, book it in advance.
Step five:
Sometimes we have all the will in the world and our 'why' is strong, we've done all the goal setting and chunking down but we still feel ourselves in a place of self-sabotage. No matter what we do, we just can't get it to stick.
This is because there is probably some deeper inner work that needs to happen. Usually because there's some unconscious negative belief that's going on for you, something that's holding you back.
It could be something you're not aware of.
Our thoughts impact our behaviour and if we see patterns that keep repeating for us, even with the best will in the world, if we struggle to change them, we need to get to the root cause and work on that belief before that change is likely to happen.
For example, you are trying to loose weight, you've spent the past four weeks being really good. Going to the gym, or fitness classes, walking 10,000 steps a day, eating withing your calorie allowance but things still don't seem to be shifting. So you sabotage because deep down you feel that all your efforts have been for nothing. You turn to food, or you skip a class here and there, or you just stop completely. You go back to your old ways because you've told yourself nothing's working.
Our minds look for evidence all of the time and if the scales aren't moving, that's evidence for your mind which can trigger you to give up. But progress like this takes time and habits like this should be so enjoyable that they become a lifestyle. The scales start to mean a little less.
When they don't matter anymore, your mindset shifts. You're beliefs change and your focus changes to the way you look and feel instead of how much you weigh.
The weight becomes less significant and it starts to drop away.
It all starts with our beliefs. If we believe we can and our why is strong enough, we're half way there. Then we have to make it happen.
If we don't have that internal belief, the seeds of doubt are sewn and that becomes a ticking time bomb for giving up.
I've created a free workbook to help you with this process. To help you make a plan and keep yourself accountable. You can download it here.
If you know that you repeat the same patterns of self-sabotage over and over and would like some help with this. Please book a free 30-minute session with me and we can discuss what's going on for you and how I might be able to help.
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